Pilcrows &c.

Dazed

2010-05-10T11:28:00.008-04:00

Everything feels different...

I don't have to pay attention to the weather anymore

I don't have to pay attention to what I eat anymore

I don't have to keep all my frisbee gear on my most easily-reached shelf anymore

I don't have to maintain a change of clothes at lab anymore

I don't have to always carry ibuprofen with me in case my foot acts up anymore

I don't have to plan gym time every morning anymore

I don't have to hang frisbee clothes to dry all over my room anymore

I don't have to visualize plays in my head anymore

I don't have to set goals for my next practice, next month, next tournament, anymore...

無心插柳柳成蔭

2010-03-10T12:57:00.005-05:00

昨天一整天想了一些事
未來的事
畢業以後的事
人生的路等等這一類的事

結果沈重得晚上實在沒心情做功
也沒心情做任何其他事
處在一種疲倦呆滯狀態
Adium 上的 status 就寫「無心。」

結果今天早上務熙回了IM：
「無心插柳柳成蔭」

明.湯顯祖.南柯記.第八齣－
似蟻人中不可得
觀音講下遇知音
有心栽花花不發
無心插柳柳成蔭

H&FJ at it again

2010-01-10T12:28:00.017-05:00

From this archived post.

John Cage

2010-01-07T13:14:00.003-05:00

The first question I ask myself when something doesn't seem to be beautiful is: why do I think it's not beautiful? And very shortly you discover that there is no reason.

Bran Ferren

2009-09-17T23:35:00.002-04:00

Technology is our word for something that doesn’t work yet.

Tossing 7/17

2009-09-17T19:04:00.006-04:00

As it turns out, I still couldn't run at yesterday's first Fall Hat game, and my attempts to do so only made my foot hurt worse. Looking up names of muscles around the shin tells me that my extensor digitorum longus is the culprit. Thank goodness it just means my foot can't take impact, but I can still pivot on it and throw. So I went to practice today anyway in hopes of getting some throwing in.

I started off tossing a bit with teammates, then when they went running I resorted to my standard one-person exercise again. However, I then ran into Forrester on the field, which was perfectly fantastic, because a) that saved me from standing there by myself trying to stack five discs on top of each other 10 ft away from me, and b) I got to watch some more good forehand form.

To-fix (in order):

backhands: still overshooting by far (too huck-happy... and Noah's told me about this before!)
forehands: flatter, further, and think about form some more -> need to be more efficient, more fluid, set up faster
backhands: try throwing with shoulder and not winding up so far (copy Shuangy's form)

At the end of the day, there's something to be said about just walking on grass, and touching grass, and touching plastic. It makes me a happier person, even if I'm terribly bad at it.

Club Sectionals

2009-09-14T07:54:00.007-04:00

This weekend was sMITe's first tournament of fall 2009.

Shuangy encouraged us to be bold and experimental, and I discovered that I still remember how to play despite a whole month of not thinking about ultimate. The most magical part is that as I discovered that I knew what I was doing, I gained confidence, and eventually I reached the point where I completely stopped worrying whether or not I was doing something wrong -- instead, I was wholly focused on doing the things I knew were right, and I played the best that I knew I could play. It is the thrill of playing with abandon (is that why they call both music and sports "playing"?).

I love playing with sMITe, where everyone is into the game, where everyone feels strongly as a team. Hatch would come by and cheer us, and at one random point I heard a loud ringing "MI-T" cheer-call, and of course, it was K.

Lots of things to work on (listed in order of priority):

throwing aim (Shuangy says something is weird with my hand on the instant of release, so my disc goes every which way. I think the problem is that from chucking discs at the curtains so much, I can now throw, but as a result I am only able to hit something the width of the curtain...)
make each clear a cut (as learned from watching Brute Squad)
time continue cuts to be a little earlier so the first cutter can throw to you before her marker is on (Clare was often ready to throw, and I totally could have cut in earlier)
throw versatility (aim with I/Os and O/Is and high releases) with the end goal of being unafraid to throw upfield! The flow shouldn't stop at me. Remember BS's drill for dump-swing-huck.
think more about layout Ds, i.e. actually smacking the disc down and not just be satisfied with forcing bad throws

David Carson

2009-07-12T22:30:00.004-04:00

Excerpt of his TED talk:

"I'm a big believer in the emotion of design, and the message that's sent before somebody begins to read, before they get the rest of the information; what is the emotional response they get to the product, to the story, to the painting -- whatever it is.

I think it's not the only ingredient in design, but possibly the most important. It's something everybody has. It's not a matter of teaching it; in fact, most of the schools tend to discount intuition as an ingredient of your working process because they can't quantify it

You have to utilize who you are in your work. Nobody else can do that: nobody else can pull from your background, from your parents, your upbringing, your whole life experience. If you allow that to happen, it's really the only way you can do some unique work, and you're going to enjoy the work a lot more as well.

... the theme was courage, and they asked me to talk about how
courageous it is to be a graphic designer. And I remembered seeing this photograph of my father, who was a test pilot, and he told me that when you signed up to become a test pilot, they told you that there was a 40 to 50 percent chance of death on the job. That's pretty high for most occupations.

And I started thinking about some of these decisions I have to make between, like, serif versus san-serif. (Laughter) And for the most part, they're not real life-threatening. Why not experiment? Why not have some fun? Why not put some of yourself into the work?"

Paula Scher on Serious Play

2009-07-12T19:57:00.004-04:00

Still finding myself clueless about graphic design (or even design in general) despite the rapidly approaching deadline of declaring a thesis that will necessarily be about design, I decided to sit down and devote my full attention to all those stellar TED talks that I had previously put on queue.

Paula Scher defines two types of design, serious and solemn. Serious is the type of play of children -- experimental and unconventional. I like how she appreciated the value of both serious and solemn work, but urged us not to overlook opportunities to be serious when solemnity is all around us. Granted, she was giving a talk at Art Center, which is full of the young design students to whom such a message is most suited, but I take heart that being unqualified presents a unique opportunity. So, self, don't be afraid to produce something goofy.

Video available here, transcript here.

My work is play. And I play when I design. I even looked it up in the dictionary, to make sure that I actually do that, and the definition of play, number one, was engaging in a childlike activity or endeavor, and number two was gambling.

Serious design, serious play... often happens spontaneously, intuitively, accidentally or incidentally. ...mostly, it's achieved through all those kind of crazy parts of human behavior that don't really make any sense.

Serious design is imperfect. It's filled with the kind of craft laws that come from something being the first of its kind. Serious design is also -- often -- quite unsuccessful from the solemn point of view. That's because the art of serious play is about invention, change, rebellion -- not perfection. Perfection happens during solemn play.

And that kind of passion drove me into very serious play, a kind of play I could never do now because I'm too well-educated. And there's something wonderful about that form of youth, where you can let yourself grow and play, and be really a brat, and then accomplish things.

The best way to accomplish serious design -- which I think we all have the opportunity to do -- is to be totally and completely unqualified for the job.

Be goofy.

Frisbee Review, week of 7/14

2009-07-12T16:45:00.007-04:00

Maybe I'm obsessing too much about it. Well, maybe I'm asking and analyzing too much and stressing, which doesn't improve my performance. Just have fun; what's wrong with that? So I'm going to try to take a step back, and try just letting things go for a turn. Posts will thus be slack and terse until further notice.

Some notes on queue in my sketchbook:

still afraid of the disc (I close my eyes?!)
forehand: more I/O, elbow in front of knees, quick release (how far can you throw with just wrist?)
I worry that I have a little set up move before I throw long, but maybe I can make that a dangerous looking fake
run through! -- think: slam your body into the disc
be able to throw from any position you land in
for games when I felt I wasn't there in mind... what a waste of time that makes everything!

So, a summary of what to do at next tossing session:

throw from elbow (less effort)
throw with eyes closed as an experiment: be aware of each component of the motion
more forehand I/O

Frisbee Review, week of 7/7

2009-07-11T21:18:00.001-04:00

I haven't written any reviews in a while, since I didn't manage to get in any proper games the past few weeks, due variously to the fault of rain, fields the size of a regulation-size endzone, and a pulled back. In any case, here is the not-very-continuous report of my frisbee activity since the last post.

After pulling my back and not really going to the gym for two weeks, I've put on a lot of weight, and it's made a huge amount of difference in how I feel when I move around. This makes me even more insistent that my Europe vacation should involve biking 400 miles. I think I've decided also, that I should bring my bike, because I don't want to depend on someone else's bike.

On Saturday I went with my hat teammate to BUDA's Good Cause Tournament. It wasn't as tiring as I expected, partially because we had a lot of subs (I always feel I play better when we play savage or nearly savage :-p), but I think I was constantly holding something in reserve for some reason. I didn't really feel I was operating at max capacity as I had when playing those uber-long points at sectionals. I've found that playing D on girls in hat games in general hasn't been particularly challenging. Most of the time they just don't really run. I haven't yet laid out for a D though, so I should really work on actually snatching the disc in the next game.

I was lucky to be put on the same team with the Good Cause tournament director, and I got to learn what BUDA spirit was all about. Frisbee people are some of the people I respect the most, which is why I got hooked into this sport in the first place, despite my lifelong aversion to sports.

Otherwise, I got to play lots and lots of wing on both O and D between the last handful of games, and I'm starting to really like the challenge of calculating timing and spacing. Hopefully I can get to play wing when sMITe starts up in the fall.

I've taken Mackey's advice to heart and started throwing everyday. As it turns out, it's a great way to unwind (literally) at the end of the day. I bike home with my stack of discs, and go to the neighborhood park near the house, where there's lots of grass space and light at night. I toss them one by one and try to land them in a stack as much as possible. I want to be a better thrower, of course, and I just plain love throwing, but the underlying agenda is to get over my fear of the disc by gaining confidence in my ability to not overturn it.

Lastly, but perhaps most important, I still don't cut in all the way for some reason. Am I still afraid of the disc? Argh!

Summary checklist for self:

Be more creative in cutting as wing O
Watch your diet
Practice clawing with left hand
Remember, as D, you're not just there to get in the way, you're there to snatch the disc
Cut in all the way, always, HARD.

Addendum: About me being afraid of the disc -- seems like this Mackey post was written for people like me.

Potato Crescent Rolls

2009-06-27T21:45:00.001-04:00

I love potato bread, so I decided it was high time to make some. I found this recipe on allrecipes.com.

I stuffed them with cinnamon roll filling according to the following proportions:
1/4 cup butter, softened
1 cup brown sugar
4 teaspoons ground cinnamon
3/4 cup chopped pecans

I stuffed the other half with apricot preserves mixed with almond bits. After the cinnamon, you couldn't taste it that well, but I thought it was a good combination.

I felt uneasy that it was all "white" starch, but they turned out with good flavor (the power of one cup of potato...). Yet I didn't make them quite perfectly, which is the best excuse to try again for a wheat version.

Photos courtesy of N:

Igor Stravinsky on the Poetics of Music

2009-06-26T13:42:00.003-04:00

Some food for thought:

My freedom thus consists in my moving about within the narrow frame that I have assigned to myself for each one of my undertakings. I shall go even further: my freedom will be so much the greater and more meaningful the more narrowly I limit my field of action and the more I surround myself with obstacles. Whatever diminishes constraint diminishes strength. The more constraints one imposes, the more one frees oneself of the claims that shackle the spirit.

music, the ecology of experience, and people

2009-06-24T11:26:00.005-04:00

music is a very "guts" sense...
in the sense that, when people listen to music, the experience is generally free of interference by our rational self
very very few people listen to music and try to make out the concrete message of it, as we often do with visual media such as posters
after all, the field of visual communication account for the vast majority of the human-made things we see
whereas in the field of audio

it is made pretty clear that radio-types are audio communication, and music is for the experience
it doesn't mean therefore that our experience of audio is pure and unaffected by societal norms
it just means it's affected by other types of associations, and perhaps even more strongly associated than visuals tend to be, because we abandon ourselves to it

and so the point is: that is why people make mixed tapes for people they are really close to
its an experience to share
and when you receive music
somehow it will always remind you of the person you first had it recommended from,
regardless of how much you end up liking it for its own sake
or how many other people recommend it to you afterwards

music has more meaning for me when it's played by other people
I like music that has associations for me
be it music I associate with specific spaces
specific circumstances
or specific people

"Good or Great?"

2009-06-18T22:21:00.006-04:00

Greatness takes a deeper commitment, a narrower focus, a willingness to be uncomfortable all the time. Many are called and few are chosen. We all have the opportunity to be great, it is not about talent, it is about mindset. The good ones are satisfied; the great ones are always looking for way to be better, to grow.

If you're content, you're useless. What have you done to get better today?

http://www.functionalpathtrainingblog.com/2009/06/good-or-great.html
http://mmackey.blogspot.com/2009/06/good-or-great.html

Frisbee Review, week of 6/15

2009-06-15T22:53:00.014-04:00

Monday Hat Game

With a personal training session from John and tips from Sachen before the game, the entire throwing motion is now starting to feel more natural. Some notes:

elbow closer to body
move arm up to opposite shoulder
lower your arm
step horizontally
don't be hasty

In the actual game, however, I was completely unable to throw under pressure. I really must work on being chilly with the disc. (It's been a year already, and yet I've only gotten more and more nervous when the disc moves near me.)

On O, I decided that I would practice explosive changes in direction, since I know I can do them on my own and in drills, but some sort of psychological barrier keeps me from doing them on the field. Lessons learned:

my D fell for my fakes; amazingly, my cuts do work!
I can run long faster than I think I can (but still need to work on acceleration from standstill)
on D always be SHARP, otherwise the split second you lose concentration they go long on you

Tuesday Pen Fifteen Game

It was time to check up on what I learned Monday, having had only about 4 hrs of sleep in between the two games.

Okay, I'm really not all that fast, despite all visual cues that might predict the contrary. Need to get on the track workouts.
My cuts are better coming under, and I'm now thrown to more, but failure happens when I can't catch under pressure. I just need to be chilly in general on the field, all this as part of my pervasive confidence problem.
說沒睡飽就不能跑只是個藉口，as you found out in the second half. Don't let that get you again.
from N: run through and watch the disc into your hands, don't look at anything else.
from N: pick up your knees on D, let yourself fall and let gravity work for you.

Frisbee Review, week of 6/11

2009-06-13T14:21:00.003-04:00

Here's the first of hopefully many future lists of "things I learned playing today". The "I" in there is rather key. It's not that there isn't a plethora of playing advice/instructions elsewhere on the 'net, but I want to make sure I remember what I personally experience, since games are so sparse and few between, and I learn so slowly.

On Thursday, Pen Fifteen played against a team called 123 on the beautiful turf at the Windsor School.

When poached, position yourself to make the biggest threat. In doing so, you will either a) get your defender back on you and out of the throwing lane, or b) get the disc in a better position. Often this means running deep.
If your defender gets in your way, throw your weight and bounce like a ball off the other way. MOVE! Don't wobble in place.
NEVER turn your back to the disc when on D. You can backpeddle faster than people jog. Use it.
Rest, eat, focus; because you are useless otherwise.
Always get the disc if at all within reach. Else, your defender will steal it from you.
As mark, lower your arms, step one step back, so you don't get broken (you're skinny enough it's easy to throw around your torso)

In conclusion, be more aggressive, dare to push your limits, and focus. 敗給自己的志氣是最冤枉的。

Announcing Pilcrows &c.

2009-06-12T15:22:00.012-04:00

The short:

I'm reviving this little internet diary to collect interesting snippets of life. Old fragments of my blog-semblances will be collected here in an orderly fashion. In addition to the same old ramblings, new topics will evolve around frisbee and baking adventures. It's mostly for me, but if you happen to run across it sitting on a park bench, we enjoy company.

No, sorry to disappoint (you the reader, or my advisor), but this is not a blog about typography. Nonetheless, I am quite endeared to this new name for my 'net-notebook, and the fact that the sans serif for this theme is Trebuchet.

The long:

I wrote this section first, then I wrote the short version. Then I realized that no one, including me, needs to read the long version. Thus it has been removed.

New Postcard Resolution

2009-06-01T10:12:00.008-04:00

Hereafter, everywhere I go, I will bring:

scissors
sturdy glue stick
blank card-stock 1/4 of letter-size

I will mail back fragments of where I am, annotated with my drawings. I will stop mailing generic touristy pictures, which are better obtained on Flickr anyway.

Jay Silver

2009-05-23T10:23:00.002-04:00

This thesis is a web of interconnected ideas that mostly aren’t my ideas at all. I just spun the first few threads of an idea spider web. Then people came along and spun some more threads. Then I added a few more. Then, I waited for all kinds of entities and ideas to blow in and fly by. Now it’s an idea party, thanks to collaboration from far and wide.

Ryan O'Toole

2009-05-03T19:37:00.002-04:00

I'm studying Media Arts + Sciences at http://www.media.mit.edu

its pretty nebulous but essentially its a new technology think tank of sorts + a major MIT PR vehicle

Arthur Ganson

2009-04-26T17:08:00.001-04:00

It's like doing visual puns all the time
When I see objects I imagine them in motion
I imagine what can be said with them

John Cage

2009-04-11T22:28:00.003-04:00

Music is an affirmation of life – not an attempt to bring order out of chaos nor to suggest improvements in creation, but simply a way of waking up to the very life we're living.

Robert Irwin

2009-03-14T16:14:00.001-04:00

The world is not just somehow given to us whole. We perceive, we shape the world, and as artists we discover and give value to our human potential to "see" the infinite richness (beauty?) in everything, creating an extended aesthetic reality.

Peter Maher

2009-02-19T20:52:00.001-05:00

Running is a big question mark that’s there each and every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?'

Akira Kobayashi

2009-01-28T12:17:00.002-05:00

Working on two different typefaces is better than concentrating on one. While you are doing the script type, you can completely forget the sans and when you get back to the script you’ll see it with a fresh eye.

差不多先生 Lyrics

2009-01-26T02:07:00.004-05:00

A genious pithy expression of the times, as to be expected from MC HotDog (even if I don't like his actual music).

主唱：MC HotDog aka 熱狗姚中仁
作曲：MC HotDog
填詞：MC HotDog

我抽著差不多的的煙
又過了差不多的一天
時間差不多的閑
花著差不多的的錢
口味差不多鹹
做人要差不多的賤
活在差不多的邊緣　
又是差不多的一年

一個差不多的台北市　有差不多馬子
差不多又干了幾次　用著差不多的姿勢
看著差不多的電視　吃著差不多的狗屎
寫著差不多的字　又發著差不多的誓
差不多的夜生活　又喝著差不多的酒
聽著差不多的音樂　喝醉差不多的糗
有著差不多的絕望　做著差不多的夢
穿著差不多的衣服　腦袋差不多的空
差不多的掛　說著差不多抱怨的話
時間也差不多了　該我那差不多的家
差不多的瞎　指鹿為馬　都差不多吧
繼續吧　繼續瞎子摸象吧　有差嗎

我是差不多先生
我的差不多是天生
代表我很天真
也代表我是個賤人　
這差不多的人生
這個問題艱深
差不多先生
我的差不多是天生
代表我很天真
也代表我是個賤人
這差不多的人生
總在見縫插針

差不多的反復　總是差不多又一無反顧
差不多的感觸　總是差不多又重產物
差不多的孤　差不多的毒
一條差不多的路　我吃著差不多的苦
我嗑著差不多的藥　又睡了一場差不多的覺
差不多的煩惱　差不多要把我逼瘋掉
差不多的糟　差不多的妙
差不多的鬧　又差不多的屌　
差不多的中國風　差不多要把耳朵蒙
歹戲拖棚　差不多要把你送了終
差不多的歌手　擺著差不多的烏龍
差不多的麥克風　唱差不多的胡隆　都在哭窮
差不多都像個豬頭　偏偏我和他們是差不多是豬朋狗友
撒差不多的謊　唬爛差不多的強
罵人差不多的嗆　不然你要怎麼樣　

我是差不多先生
我的差不多是天生
代表我很天真
也代表我是個賤人
這差不多的人生
這個問題艱深
差不多先生
我的差不多是天生
代表我很天真
也代表我是個賤人
這差不多的人生
總在見縫插針

差不多的你　差不多的我　差不多的他　差不多的他媽
都差不多想發達　差不多打著哈哈
他罵著叉叉嘎嘎呼啦啦　都差不多的咖擦

差不多先生他像個笑話　有聞又在叫罵
差不多要跳不起來　還是要跳要吧
差不多要像烏龜　但烏龜烏龜翹吧
這差不多的人生　他妙嗎

差不多要力爭上游　想游到上流
差不多在心裡默念阿門和佛陀布的放流
差不多的生活很街頭　再差一點你就變成街友
我唱了八十八個差不多　都差不多
差不多先生不會在乎這麼多　日子應該怎麼過
差不多的2008怎麼霍　我是差不多先生　熱狗

我是差不多先生
我的差不多是天生
代表我很天真
也代表我是個賤人
這差不多的人生
這個問題艱深
差不多先生
我的差不多是天生
代表我很天真
也代表我是個賤人
這差不多的人生
總在見縫插針

Shadow People

2008-12-24T00:20:00.005-05:00

I heard on NPR podcast today about bioengineers who are hoping to create organisms that will either generate energy we can use, or absorb the CO2 we create while making more oxygen.

Imagine then, that eventually at some future time, humans will have perfected this process to the point that our manufactured sybiotes basically cancel out the effect of a human upon mother nature. If we expend oxygen, these organisms produce oxygen in amounts equivalent to exactly how much we consume. If we emit CO2, each of these organisms digest CO2 in amounts equivalent to how much we emit per capita. These organisms are called the shadow people -- for every human being, there is a shadow person that produces a negating effect to cancel out the mark of the "positive" human's existence. The shadow people have their own society and culture, but it's not mixed with that of "normal" humans...

another one to stash away and spin into a book someday.

Chat Series #6: Werk

2008-11-28T22:42:00.003-05:00

EH: so you up to anything this weekend besides seeing herbie tmrw?
Me: work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work,
Me: in that order
EH: there's only one permutation possible for that

When I Think Best

2008-11-16T21:34:00.004-05:00

right before falling asleep, or right before waking up, when I'm too tired to think
and I am completely free of all restrictions
restrictions which I normally allow to weigh me down to the point that I am paralyzed
when I think best
I just imagine

New Goal: Multilingual Demos

2008-11-16T13:43:00.006-05:00

They say you only really understand something after you have taught it to somebody.

I think you only really truly understand your own work once you've been able to explain it to somebody in a foreign language.

Yes, this is a call to myself to learn to talk about my research interests in Chinese and Japanese.

There is also the added pragmatic benefit of not sounding like a verbally-handicapped 5th-grader when sponsors from Taiwan come through the lab.

Jane Elliot

2008-10-04T10:07:00.001-04:00

Oh Great Spirit, keep me from ever judging a man until I have walked a mile in his moccasins.

M.C. Escher

2008-09-20T13:42:00.001-04:00

We adore chaos because we love to produce order.

End of First Week of School Update

2008-09-07T01:30:00.005-04:00

Awesome people are awesome. I don't believe I'm any bit cool at all, but if awesome people seem to like me, then I rather enjoy deluding myself and thinking these people I so totally respect are right about me. I better live up to it.

Forwarding everything to gmail was the best decision ever. I now actually read all my mail and respond fast and reach decisions more quickly.

Being able to talk about what you are working on, while being able to take pride in it, is an awesome state.

I'm really loving it right now, although treasuring something just makes me that much more terrified about when things will change... like when the year will end and new students will destroy our current awesome trio, or J and R will go off and stick to other people.

Oh yeah, and the roomies. They rock. I have no idea why I put up with what I did before for so long. They say the worst is before the dawn. I wonder if part of it is just because it was so bad, that as soon as it gets better, it feels so much more better than it objectively is. Whatever the case, it's so much better right now, even if Mike's party was awkward. I'm getting better, no?
I still need to practice composing stories, as in, going back over my life and pulling out memories and retelling them in someway. I suspect the reason I never believed in stories was because I felt like no story ever gave justice to the real experience -- well, what I didn't realize was that no listener expects the story to be the real thing, it's just supposed to be your interpretation -- one of many ways to cut the orange.

(But alas, I should also say that I'm still not completely healed, although for a while there I thought I was. Shrinks are utterly useless, by the way. They are only useful in the sense that by going to them, you realize clear as black and white that nothing in the world but you can help yourself and so you pull yourself out of your hole. How much longer is it gonna take? Is envy something no one can ever be free of?)

Happy

2008-08-29T18:12:00.005-04:00

I am happy
for the first time, in as long as I can remember
I love my group members
I think the world of them
I feel like the respect me
every few hours I am discovering something which amazes me and thrills my soul

deep inside me, I am now really scared, because I know that all this will someday be taken from me again, as school does not last forever
the certainty that the pain will hit again
makes me terrified to continue walking

(not being in school is so horrifying
I almost feel like my being in school is a crime)

but I will not let that fear get in the way of my enjoyment of right now
because times like these come rarely
and I must enjoy it while I can

oh yeah, and the MIT writing test is insane

Herbie's Summary of a Novel

2008-08-24T00:38:00.007-04:00

I no longer have the link to the novel, but Herbie was reading a Chinese internet novel, and I asked him to tell me the plot of part 1/6. I told him to make it short. He started off trying to explain in narrative form, and then that got too long. So his summary started turning into something like the following:

Basically, so, he gets a sword and a knife.

Meets supporting actor/buddy. Buddy joins party. Meets main heroine. She has fighting abilities too.

Meets monster boss and empty sword. Defeats monster and infuses its spirit into the sword. Weapon inventory +1.

The girls defeat the flower and acquire super powers -- like, armor +5.

I wonder sometimes... people always say to follow that voice in your heart, and I wonder by the mere fact that I don't ever pick up Wired or PC World in bookstores that maybe my voice has been telling me to be an artist and I keep ignoring it. Yet, if I were an artist, I think I would really miss nerd talk like this, and then I try to stop overthinking.

Naivete

2008-08-23T11:21:00.002-04:00

I got the naive idea into my head that I can pack my quarter-life crisis into a few months, get it over with, and just sail through life until I turn 49.

Calvin Coolidge

2008-08-20T00:01:00.001-04:00

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.

Rebuilding and Reinstalling

2008-08-19T10:28:00.005-04:00

It's not often that you can come across something that will jolt you so deep down that you crumble to pieces and must to figure out a way to rebuild. 求之不得的機會。

It's like wiping your harddrive and reinstalling everything, including the OS.
It's like packing all your stuff, dumping the excess crap, and moving into a new space.
It's a pain in the ass (and maybe more pain than that),
but it's refreshing.

Loss

2008-08-08T09:50:00.002-04:00

your world is uprooted
nothing has changed, really, if you had to describe it to anyone
yet at the same time, fundamentally, nothing in the world is ever the same again

M.A. Radmacher

2008-08-04T01:55:00.001-04:00

Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen Hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Continue to learn.
APPRECIATE YOUR FRIENDS.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.

The Alchemist by Paul Coelho

2008-07-15T10:16:00.001-04:00

If what one finds is made of pure matter, it will never spoil. And one can always come back. If what you had found was only a moment of light, like the explosion of a star, you would find nothing on your return.

Isaac Newton

2008-07-10T21:34:00.001-04:00

I do not know what I may appear to the world; but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.

Henri Matisse

2008-07-07T12:27:00.001-04:00

I do not paint things, I paint only the differences between things.

Mother Theresa

2008-05-24T00:26:00.001-04:00

There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread, but there are many more dying for a little love.

De Quadrivium - Proclus Diadochus

2008-05-12T14:26:00.003-04:00

About the quadrivium, Proclus Diadochus said in In primum Euclidis elementorum librum commentarii:

Arithmetic is the Discrete At Rest
Astronomy is the Discrete In Motion
Geometry is the Continuous At Rest
Music is the Continuous In Motion

Chat Series #5: Brother

2008-04-30T16:18:00.002-04:00

This is what conversations with my brother look like.

Me: poke.
Bro: 怎麼拉~~~~~
Me: 沒怎麼
Me: kinda 無聊
Me: was going to talk to 老嗎
Bro: 喔
Bro: 降阿
Me: but she disappeared 囉
Bro: ㄎㄎㄎ
Me: yes 的
Bro: 他不愛你~~~~~~~~
Bro: 舖
Me: hahahahahaha
Bro: 你哪們的TYPING
Me: entertained 嗎？
Bro: 還給我 "YES的"
Bro: 我靠
Me: 就 I thought that was a good one
Me: the 老嗎 is back
Bro: 嗯
Bro: 我阿
Bro: 需要做 RESEARCH
Bro: 好可悲
Me: ORLY
Bro: 因為阿
Bro: YARLY
Me: 因為怎樣 hm?
Bro: 今天需要交報告
Me: what kind of 報告
Bro: 喔
Bro: 就
Bro: 這兩個禮拜你在搞什麼鬼
Me: 啥意思
Me: what kind of 鬼
Bro: 喔
Bro: 沒阿
Bro: 就看你這兩個禮拜有沒有再做是而已

Lore Sjoberg in Wired Commentary

2008-04-23T12:20:00.002-04:00

The internet is to human interaction as Pringles are to potatoes. Companionship and closeness are processed into an unrecognizable slurry, then reconstituted as an unnatural recreation of their original incarnation. We start as social creatures, isolate ourselves into small rooms writhing with power strips, then make friends with similarly sequestered people, trying to re-create the very communities we're avoiding.

http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/commentary/alttext/2008/04/alttext_0423

Steve Carell on How to Act Brilliant

2008-04-23T12:18:00.001-04:00

Children are very smart, in their own stupid way. A child's brain is like a sponge, and you know how smart sponges are. My children are like little processors. They pick up all kinds of things, then process that into information. And what is knowledge, really, but processed information? We must always strive to be overly processed, like our children.

http://www.wired.com/medtech/health/magazine/16-05/gs_carell

Perceiving Social Presence

2008-04-16T07:27:00.008-04:00

Signing on to AIM makes me feel that I'm somehow in the same space, and sharing the same room, as the other people on my contact list who are also online.

This allows me to feel like I have people around me, despite the fact that in the physical world, I might be completely alone. Thus, I often sign on for "company", even when when I have no intention to chat.

I have apparently shifted from perceiving AIM on/off statuses as bits of data (the way one would perceive another person's height information) to perceiving them directly as reflections of people (the way one would perceive another's voice).

Does your relationship with the specific people affect your perception of their online presence? Or is it merely a matter time that we eventually internalize digital signals in the same way we have internalized "real" signals? Or is it the history of your interactions on AIM, as a collective experience, that shifts your perception? Perhaps all of the above.

What other digital things can we build that will create social presence? But digital is by nature easily duplicable; how would you perceive a social presence that is easily duplicable?

... well, I believe I just unintentionally reverse-engineered the idea of avatars... 怎麼想也好像想不到哪裡去。No originality. 無奈 !

Ben Fry

2008-04-10T19:41:00.001-04:00

Every problem is unique, so capitalize on that uniqueness to solve the problem.

Cicero

2008-04-09T15:30:00.001-04:00

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.

Problems With Me To Fix

2008-04-07T12:42:00.006-04:00

自我叮嚀。切記！

self-absorbed
I get cooped up in my own world and do not pay attention to those around me
I can when I need to, it seems
but when I don't, I act as if the others do not exist, all the while maintaining the facade that I am interested

ambiguous
for fear of offending people, or letting them have a chance to make a judgement about me, I never have an opinion
mostly I am just apathetic
but even when I do care, I downplay how much I care

judgmental
to over-compensate for ambiguity, I jump to conclusions other times
often with the result of being offensive (and inconsiderate)

ostrich
when I run into something unpleasant
I hide by walking the other way, or by turning a blind eye and pretending it doesn't exist
I somehow persist in believing deep-down that everything bad will go away with time

孤獨我行

2008-03-27T16:47:00.005-04:00

一個多月沒跟家裡打電話了
自從他們搬回台灣以後
就只有幾通電子郵件
講錢啊賣東西啊這一類的零碎
我報告我上班的事和學校錄取的結果
也只換來單行的回信
反而，我跟阿琴阿姨用紙寫的一封信講的話還比較多些
S 和 J 的媽媽們打電話來
跟我講的話還比較多

老媽這幾天來從台灣飛來紐約開會
決定不來波士頓找我
也沒事先跟我說

好不容易叫她打電話給我
開頭第一句話居然是
＜好啊，要講什麼＞
我說＜沒有啊，只是好久沒講話了。你們在幹嘛？＞
＜本來就是這樣啊。國際就是這樣。你要講什麼。＞
是嗎
我們家為什麼這麼怪呢
我在日本的時候
叔叔一直叫我用他們的免費 skype 打電話回台北
他們自己都每天打
我記得當時覺得沒話好說－－
打電話回家幹嘛

看他人的家庭
他們全家一起出遊
平時他會和他老爸討論未來
或討論國家大事
大雪天後，他家那邊會用手機送來產雪進度報告
為什麼我們
就連個討論的起頭都辦不到呢？

我跟媽說我在考慮美術學校（產品設計）
＜上那個不知道要幹什麼，又不能賺錢，你在幹嘛？＞
是我以前哪裡做錯了嗎
之前沒好好跟你們溝通
所以你們完全無法了解我，
我的人生，我的目標，我的夢。。。

還是我要求太高了嗎？

William Feather

2008-03-27T12:21:00.001-04:00

The philosophy behind much advertising is based on the old observation that every man is really two men — the man he is and the man he wants to be.

Chat Series #4: YSOA

2008-03-26T13:03:00.003-04:00

Me: you know the thing about cranbrook?
the professors there aren't really on par with YSOA
which makes me wonder if its worth my money
J: um
some professors here
are not really
on par
with anything
so
Me: hahaha
J: what's important is that they guide you in the right direction
Me: cranbrook doesn't do that for you
J: those who can't do, teach :p
Me: you sink or swim
J: oh right
forgot
Me: you guide yourself
J: i suggest you start swimming then :D
Me: NOW do you see why I am entitled to having crises?
(...)
J: i think i'd be happier at cranbrook
don't have to do any pointless crap
people are like...the program at ysoa is awesome, too bad no one has any time to learn

On Commuting

2008-03-26T11:06:00.010-04:00

I have a horribly long commute, which involves, in the following order, walking, waiting, busing, waiting, and subway-ing. The entire trip takes anywhere from 45-min to 1-hr each way (a 30-min commute has happened all of 2 times). However, I enjoy my commute immensely. Next year, should I move to a place without public transportation (which is appears to be increasingly likely), I shall be sad that I no longer have this wonderful experience as part of my days.

I get to walk, to feel the world around me, to feel the weather. Only then do I realize how much I have cooped myself up in a box, all in the name of research. It makes me so happy to be alive, just to walk out and look at the trees, the houses, and the way the rays of the sun reflects off the puddles on the road.

I also enjoy commuting because I get to see people on the subway. I would not have had the chance to observe the ipod phenomenon, if say, I drove myself to school. Also, I see happy exchanges between people that make my day.

Reason 3, random things: today I saw a pair of friends walking their dog past the bus stop where I was sitting. I eventually caught the bus, got off at the library to pick up my book, and then walked out to Davis (the distance between the library and the bus stop is merely a few blocks). The timing worked out such that the 2people+1dog unit passed me again right as I exited the library, and I walked right behind them until Davis.

Also, I think infinitely more clearly when I am commuting. I have yet to come up with a rigorous explanation for this, although I've been thinking about this for a while (link Anonymity of the Crowd). Perhaps the anonymity and the non-expectation for you to do anything conversely makes me more clear-headed--that and the fact that I know I only have a limited amount of time (~20 min. on the subway) to write down what I write down. Perhaps the liberation to think, and the knowledge that your liberation is limited, makes you subconsciously seize each minute to produce.

Plus, I get wifi at my bus stop. 'Nuff said.

And I have my ipod. That it is an ipod and not a generic mp3 player is critical -- it gives me direct access to the exciting world of podcasts.

Reason 7, it makes my day when the street performer is skilled and plays something I like. Then I give them a dollar bill, to thank them for creating a good mood for me, and I feel like I voted for something good and deserving, which makes me feel even better.

Commuting is, all in all, the more exciting part of my day.

(Hmm... it just struck me that that last statement probably indicates that the rest of my day calls for further examination.)

Fukusawa Naoto

2008-03-25T21:41:00.002-04:00

My ideal of design is of something powerful that cannot be seen, but only felt.

Aristotle in Nicomachean Ethics

2008-03-25T15:21:00.001-04:00

Anyone can become angry -- that is easy, but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way -- this is not easy.

Daniel Goleman

2008-03-25T14:52:00.002-04:00

The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice there is little we can do to change until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds.

Things You Don't Understand

2008-03-25T11:06:00.006-04:00

Inspired by Seth Godin's blog post: http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2008/03/things-you-dont.html

I.e., a list of things I want to understand at a basic level, and which I could if I just sat down (and read the respective wikipedia articles), but I don't:

the war in Iraq
how cars work
trade unions
the regions of the brain and their respective functions
the difference between pasta and noodles
the process by which something is enacted into law in the U.S.
whether the salt or the pepper shaker should have more holes
the various parts of a bike
the various Christian denominations

Kinda curious to reflect upon. "If I don't learn it now, when will I?" Indeed. I have my reading for today cut out for me.

My Teachers

2008-03-24T18:37:00.010-04:00

Why does the mere act of talking to Phyllis make the world seem all better?
I want to be a person like that when I grow up.

黃老師, Doc, Ms. Stanley, Lyn, Phyllis...

By the time I was age 14, I had already decided that if I ever got to dedicate anything of my making (say, for instance, a book) to anyone, I would dedicate it to my teachers.

If I had to name the one motivation that drives me, it would be them
So that one day I can be like them
and serve the same role to others as they have been to me --
they who have brought me out of nothingness
to be who I am now

Being Selfish

2008-03-24T18:31:00.008-04:00

When was the last time I did something simply because I wanted to?
Not because logically I should have, or because it would bring me returns in the future,
but simply and only because I wanted to do it?

I can't remember the last time I let myself be selfish.
I've forgotten what it's like... purely to want things.

I am living for myself?
I usually don't, I think. I try not to.
Yet perhaps, I need to live for myself first;
for if I am empty, what will I offer to others?

A Fork in the Path

2008-03-24T15:27:00.010-04:00

"What do those options each represent to you?"

writing papers and doing research
writing books and teaching
making things

Oh, if I choose one
it's not as if I shut myself off from that part of the world forever,
but it will be difficult to re-enter
unless I were already so well established elsewhere that my name spills over into other fields

Who do I want to be?
Which is the best place to do that?
I wanna know.

O said that the most valuable thing is your time.
I agree.
So how do I want to spend it?

It's like my decision of Wellesley over Rice
like my decision to give up on CS
like my decision to give up pursuing engineering
like my decision to give up on East Asian Studies,
much as I still wish sometimes
that I could be one of the me's above
but it's really not me

it's all kind of subconscious
this life decision-making
but I guess, I've never really back-tracked or regretted

I have decided.
After all, I just really can't see myself going down that way
The school's name is more famous, yes
But it doesn't excite me.
I can do it, certainly
But it will feel like doing numb mechanized work

Let's go for the MFA
I can come out and teach, should I care to
If not, I will have a portfolio of work that I can call my own
and I will be able to take traveling fellowships and globe-trot

Cranbrook is horribly scary
I never felt like I belonged in a pure art place
and I'm afraid the total freedom will leave me more lost than I ever was
I guess it's all really a question of whether I trust myself to teach myself?
But do I not?
Haven't I more or less done that all my life anyway?

I am rather amused by how I never really viewed ixd as an option

Hither to Tither

2008-03-18T22:27:00.004-04:00

From another Core77 post on Cranbrook:

"One of the crucial characteristics of Cranbrook has always been getting people out of their environment and into its own relative vacuum. When the school was founded, it was literally on a farm in the middle of nowhere. You may have heard the comparison between Cranbrook and a monastery. It's all too true, and it's what makes it unique."

Great. Do I want to go from a convent to a monastery?

Changing to co-ed is definitely an improvement, but the frustrations of a convent will all be coming back...

Sleeping Problems

2008-03-10T11:05:00.004-04:00

Trying to think and evaluate my life right before going to sleep is a very not-good idea.
Didn't get much of anywhere with the thinking, and didn't get much of anywhere with the sleeping, either.

Been having trouble sleeping lately; just feeling endlessly restless.
Lots of big things hanging in the air, posed to drop one way or the other at an unknown time.
Thus I worry. I am simultaneously trying to hope for the best and being scared stiff that if I hope, I set myself up for some severe disappointment (yet again).

There's this one little voice inside me that says, "don't whine, all of your options are good."
Then the other little voice comes in and says, "yeah, but some are more good than others."

I know, I know, disappointment only happens because of over-high expectations.
Alas, knowing and doing are two different matters, right?

Ehhh; some day soon I will look back upon this and laugh at my own silliness.

Kenya Hara

2008-03-09T11:41:00.003-04:00

Design is not the act of amazing an audience with the novelty of forms or materials, it is the originality that repeatedly extracts astounding ideas from the crevices of the very commonness of everyday life.

Self-Defeating

2008-03-07T13:44:00.005-05:00

Sometimes
I put so much stress on myself to come up with something good
that I'm paralyzed by fear of being unable to achieve my own goal.
I cage myself.

MEL Quotes 1

2008-03-04T11:44:00.008-05:00

I've decided to start writing down things that happen in this room. MEL folk are too amusing. Sometimes I feel tempted to record everything that comes out of these people's mouths. I work in a place that is endlessly entertaining.

---

Old notes from a dinner conversation in Florence:
eggplant is a weird word that sounds totally different in every language
on the other hand, mandarin is a word that is the same in every language
we somehow started talking about airplanes filled with tacos
raining tacos over mexico
so you can stuff your face, sleep, wake up, and eat some more
instead of B42's you'd have taco bombers
a flying pattern to cover all of mexico

Our office thermostat was originally labeled "cool" on one end and "hot" on the other; now it is labeled "Guz" and "Hector", respectively.

G: (on his way out) What is "rumble"?
O: (says something about some town in China)
G: (impressed) How do you know all this stuff? (exits)
H: You make it up, and other people believe it.

H: I'm poor
S: You are rich inside
H: You know, I used to believe that, but now I'm hungry it just doesn't work anymore

D: What's the difference between product design and industrial design?
O: One is a black olive and one is a green olive.
G: One belongs on a martini and one doesn't. It's that easy.
S: So which olive is Guz.
H: He's a grape.
D: Caper? He's a caper.

---

Don't ask me.

Dictionary Game

2008-03-02T01:35:00.002-05:00

This game is, I think, my favorite group game of all time. It has the plus side of not requiring electricity, although it does require other things. I've actually only played it once, but I randomly decided to google it today, and found a good description/game instructions.

...

Object of the game:
The object of Dictionary is to learn new words and to trick people. You need at least 4 people to play, but the more people that play the better!

Supplies Needed:
One dictionary
Small note sized pieces of paper (like Post It Notes)
Pencils

How to Play
Decide who will go first. This person is the Reader for this round of the game.

One person will need to keep track of the points for each player. (When I played we didn't bother about points. There was no winning/losing; we just had fun.)

The Reader opens the dictionary to a random page. They have one minute to pick a word from that page. (The most unusual words are the best!) The Reader reads the word out loud, then spells it – but they do not tell what the word means.

Everyone secretly writes down what they think the definition of the word is. The more the word sounds like a dictionary definition, the better chance you have to fool everyone! The Reader writes down the real meaning of the word on his or her own piece of paper. It’s important to write neatly so the Reader can read what you wrote!

Everyone gives their made up definitions to the Reader, who mixes them up and reads them, including the real meaning of the word. Everyone (except the Reader) votes for his or her choice of the real meaning of the word.

...

The best part is the BS-ing of definitions. I loved the game because none of us ever put the right definition, even when we knew it. If we knew it we'd start with something similar, and then end with a hilarious twist that was obviously impossible. If we didn't, we'd pick out what we think is a latin root in the word, and invent/elaborate upon that root to the point of absurdity. Or, you can just make up something totally irrelevant, and derive hilarity by being inconceivably off-target.

New Resolution

2008-02-29T18:31:00.006-05:00

I am still daily amazed by the ability of the people around me to parse through a problem and hit the key point right on. I need to train myself to think like that. I have discovered that I don't really think about things until I write about it. I understand things so much better after writing, and by act of formulating a question for myself, my thoughts seem better organized.

So the new resolution is to pose a question to myself every day, and attempt to find an answer. The topic? People's everyday experiences and perceptions of space (be that space formed with atoms, bits, or a combination thereof.) It's a matter of asking myself a question each day, and going to different spaces, and actually thinking and pondering my experience.

We'll start with this. Then maybe, as I get the hang of it, I can finally start that blog project I've been meaning to start for a while.

Wikipedian Funnies

2008-02-29T15:54:00.014-05:00

I'm sure everyone's seen tons of Wikipedia silliness. Stuff that would never get published on paper: ridiculous photos, wacky word choices, funny perspectives. Not that the information is inaccurate (which, I suppose, is why it gets to stay where it is); it's just silly.

Some examples:

Communication Theory
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communication_theory
The image masterfully illustrates the single-most fundamental concept of the broad field of communication theory.

Turtles All The Way Down
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turtles_all_the_way_down
A prime example of how new technologies like Photoshop enable us to visualize philosophy like never before.

Japanese Addressing System
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Japanese_addressing_system.png
Example addresses incorporate elements of pop culture to enable easier understanding.

For the general advancement of laughter in the world, someone should start a blog documenting the daily silliness to be found in Wikipedia.

(Not that, you know, we don't already spend enough time on Wikipedia as it is.)

Happiness is...

2008-02-28T19:28:00.002-05:00

From a post on the success of games:

Happiness is
having satisfying work to do,
the experience of being good at something,
time spent with people we like, and
a chance to be part of something bigger than ourselves.

John Dewey's Pedagogical Creed

2008-02-27T22:04:00.001-05:00

The only true education comes through the stimulation of the child's powers by the demands of the social situations in which he finds himself.

Lawrence Lessig's Book Dedication

2008-02-26T17:52:00.003-05:00

To Eric Eldred -- whose work first drew me to this cause, and for whom it continues still.

If I wrote a book, I think I would like to use a dedication like that.

Anonymity of the Crowd

2008-02-26T17:40:00.006-05:00

While I was in Japan, I once wrote an essay about train stations and the peace of mind resulting from the anonymity of the crowd. (I'd link/paste the essay here, except of course, it was written in Japanese and I am not up to translating.)

In the crowd, it's just you and there's no expectation for you to do anything; no one is trying to judge you. It's similar to the sense of liberation when you go to a foreign country: you exist seemingly on a different dimension, removed from your surroundings. Maybe that's why we like traveling. You feel like you are somehow transcending space and time. I feel calm. It's a little window of time stolen for myself.

It's like sitting in coffee shops.

The Disconnection of Connectivity

2008-02-26T17:34:00.008-05:00

Yesterday, as I headed home on the subway, I realized that every single person around me was plugged in. It is normal that the vast majority of commuters are plugged in, but maybe because there were less commuters at that late hour, the percentage of people within earshot of me who were entirely absorbed in their own iPod world was 100%.

Normally, people wearing headphones aren't entirely deaf, of course, but the mechanical sounds of the train block out anything else my neighbors could possibly hear. So I realized that I could sing out loud on the subway car, because, aurally-defined, it was my private car.

One-way input, with no response, is essentially private activity, right? The irony is, music practice rooms anywhere are never sound proof, so were I singing where I should have been singing, more passersby would have heard me.

Which got me to thinking that, in the future, when everyone is able to log on to some virtual world (or maybe the same meta virtual world) while commuting, no one will interact with their physical neighbors anymore. After all, connectivity puts you in touch with your buddies and your loved ones, with exciting news and entertainment; whatever experience you could derive from interacting with your neighbors can't really compete with that. Public space will be silent and lifeless. It kind of already is.

We need to fix that. The problem is not that virtual worlds are bad; we just need to start mixing things a bit, and start enabling horizontal networking...?

The Glamour of Gadgets

2008-02-26T17:27:00.007-05:00

Today a happening in the lab got me thinking about hyperreality again.

We are more impressed with the amount of time and energy a person invests to procure a pair of professional-quality headphones or a high-end digital camera, than we are with a person's quest for a good performance of music or a particularly long hike outdoors to find a rare sighting.

Somehow, tools of duplication have gained more glamour than the objects whose beauty they were designed to capture.

Maybe it's because nobody really knows anymore, what is a beautiful thing. The price tags of gadgets, on the other hand, are rather easy to compare.

Chat Series #3: "nerd paper for weirdo"

2008-02-22T17:33:00.004-05:00

Feb. 22nd
I was reading papers.

Me: dang
people were already thinking about this stuff in 1995
I'm so far behind!!!
S: you were in 5th grade
Me: oh
good point
but I'm not anymore!
ahhhh
the race to catch up never ends
(...)
Me: met another smart person today
S: um you can't compete with older people
they will always win
b/c it is a fact that they have lived more years than you have
Me: no....
other people aren't older than me
and they compete with older people
S: you are really weird competitive
Me: not really
lab standard
S: weirdos over there
I would hate being there
Me: then I wanna be a weirdo
S: you are already a weirdo
(...)
Then, I wanted a paper from a journal to which the institute was not subscribed. So as usual I asked the roomie to get it (with her univ.'s subscription) and mail it to me. She did, and the email subject line read: "nerd paper for weirdo." :D

Chat Series #2: "bubbles"

2008-02-22T13:59:00.007-05:00

Feb. 19th

J: where's cranbrook?
Me: bloomfield MI
like wellesley,but in detroit
suuuuuper rich and in the middle of nowhere
with lots of trees and sculpture lying around on campus
oh did I say the school is tiny?
it's personalized
because there's only one professor per department
and there are only 15 students in a department
so the student to faculty ratio is 1:15
hahaha
J: it's made for you...
Me: why does everyone say that....
that means I should run away from it
S is like,
it's your perfect ivory tower!
I'm like
I've spent my life trying to run away from ivory towers....
J: true
yeah but you don't like anything other than ivory towers
Me: but that's a PROBLEM
it should not be EXACERBATED
J: hahahaha
(...)
Me: the thought of hibernating with 150 people for 2 years is kinda scary
J: not really
what, only 2 years?
Me: yeah only 2
but that is a good sized chunk of time
J: we have like 200 people
i don't even know the other 150
Me: yeah so about same size
it's also the same size as olin
I love how my schools just keep getting smaller in size
high school was biggest

... I can't seem to get away from bubbles.

On the Practicality of Cranbrook Grads

2008-02-19T16:43:00.005-05:00

"Amen! Some of these people on here aren't designers, they're more like unemployed sociological philosophers. Huge load of crap."
- From the forums of Core77 (an industrial design community)

Haha! Actually, I think I would love to be a sociological philosopher; and I assure you, I won't be unemployed if I do eventually get there.

Scholar

2008-02-18T21:04:00.007-05:00

A scholar thinks, reads, studies, theorizes, and questions all day.

I don't know of any education system that actually prepares anyone to be a scholar.

In our school system, it was enough to work hard, it was enough to know; you didn't have to think.

I'm not saying that thinking is something that cannot be taught, but that it is not taught. Or is it the so called "critical thinking."

If Billy says he is currently studying, depending on whether Billy is in grade school or Billy is a graduate student, the act of "studying" means very different things.

Is the ability to think and question something which few are blessed with from birth, so that the rest of us, who possess only the ability to recognize and not the ability to enact, can only look on in envy?

But this is something I refuse to believe. It might be the truth that wisdom is not accessible to all, but if such is the truth, than I willing choose to be deceived.

One of my teachers from middle-school asked me once, whether we believed that fundamentally, if only every child was given access to the right teacher, that every child would succeed. Her husband, also a middle-school teacher, believed that there just are some children who can't be taught.

I cannot believe this, because if I did, it would completely erase those of us who make it our life purpose to better the world through education.

Now I'm starting to think that, almost without exception, one's situation at home determines one's success in life.

A Place to Call Home

2008-02-18T01:38:00.006-05:00

I mean, it's something everyone asks when you first meet.

"Where are you from?" they say.

I've always had a hard time with this question, because I had no one- or two-word answer.

Texas, Florida, The South, Taiwan, Illinois??

Which one do you mean?

Then there was the issue also, of never having really felt like the people of those places accepted me.

In college I called myself a Texan, and people who weren't Texans accepted this, but Texans didn't see me as Texan.

Well, I don't feel very Texan myself.

The whole time I was in Texas I called myself a Floridian.

So I was never sure if I really had a right to call those places home.

Today, however, I realized that these places are home to me.

Because, when I see things related to any one of these places, it feels personal.

I care about these places like they are my home.

Like when I ran across the Texan political blog The Burnt Orange Report.

Like when heard about the Hurricane Katrina documentary When the Levees Broke.

Lucky me, I have lots of homes.

I love them all.

Tim Ferriss

2008-02-15T16:45:00.001-05:00

Preoccupation. It’s the worst of states, where you experience neither relaxation nor productivity. Be focused on work or focused on something else, never in-between.

Time without attention is worthless, so value attention over time.

Oscar Wilde

2008-02-15T13:10:00.001-05:00

To be Greek, one must have no clothes. To be Medieval, one must have no body. To be Modern, one must have no soul.

Yo-Yo Ma - What Bach Owes North Africa

2008-02-11T10:56:00.001-05:00

A thriving cultural engine can help us figure out how groups can peacefully meld, without sacrificing individuality and identity. This is not about political correctness. It’s about acknowledging what is precious to someone, and the gifts that every culture has given to our world.

http://www.digitalnpq.org/articles/global/240/01-28-2008/yo-yo_ma

David Weinberger

2008-02-08T20:54:00.001-05:00

"Victory":

Yesterday, in a major party’s primary election for the presidency of the United States, about half the people voted for a woman, and the other half voted for an African-American.

We won!

Philip Worthington

2008-02-06T10:56:00.002-05:00

On his objectives as a student:

To know where I was going. I was always a little jealous of those around me who knew so definitely where they wanted to take their work, seeing clearly the path to get there. As much as I strived to find this in my own work it always seemed a disparate mish-mash of directions. In hindsight I can see a thread of continuity, but at the time I often felt lost. I’m a bit of a perfectionist… I knew I wanted to do it well, but I just hadn’t defined what ‘it’ was.

Hey... I'm not the only one. :)

Gerry Sussman

2008-02-05T20:59:00.001-05:00

Being smart in the arts is the same as being smart in engineering is the same as being smart in writing is the same as being smart in anything, really. It’s the ability to manipulate all the pieces of the puzzle in your mind, try to fit them together, and when they don’t fit quite right … you sand the edges/corners and make them all fit.

Empty

2008-02-02T21:53:00.001-05:00

Mom said that talking in the house sounds funny now, with the furniture all gone...

My cellphone's speed dials are now half empty...

Next year is a blank...

But I was just thinking,
hey, I'm really good at acting;

Phyllis tells me to go on art residencies
Takis kept pushing me to go into HCI even one year earlier
McDougall thought I had a lot of potential with Japanese studies

... somehow I manage to appear agreeable to everything and everyone -- things that don't agree with each other...

I suppose it was a skill developed in K-12
Moving around,
You kinda get good at it
Subconsciously anyway...

But what does that make me?
A sphere of swirling masks,
A different mask to face each circle of people I deal with--
and nothing at the core.

I've already been too privileged all my life. I have so much other people don't have. I have no right to cry.

...but right now I just...

feel empty inside.

Peter Stathis

2008-01-28T21:02:00.001-05:00

It's inconsequential to me what the students want to work on, whether it's a dining-room table or a PDA. What's significant is their approach. I expect students to come to projects with some sort of agenda. For instance, if they did want to work on a dining-room table, I might begin by asking them to think about the divorce rate. Or the decline of the nuclear family. Or the phenomenon of latch-key children. I want them to explore what it means, now, to build a dining-room table.

Choosing

2008-01-28T13:41:00.002-05:00

How do you choose between something so abstract as art & theory, and doing something that actually makes a difference, like teaching and organizing change?

Too Scared of Getting Hurt

2008-01-28T02:20:00.001-05:00

How do we humans feel so much?
Hearing the thoughts and feelings of people dealing with relationships, I feel their pain.
When you are rejected, you can easily feel down for a whole month or more.
But there are much worse things--
Like, the person breaks up with you.
Or worse, the person just one day stopped responding to all messages.
Or worse still, that you find out you fundamentally aren't compatible. It's not because of anyone's fault; indeed it's the best of intentions on both sides, but your experiences/backgrounds/beliefs, something out of your hands, determines that you cannot be together.

The last is what makes me scared of trying to get to know someone.
It's as if you found a book whose first chapter drew you in, and your love for it grows as you read, but in the end you find out that you don't get to keep the book. All you get are memories, and the knowledge that all other books pale in comparison to it in an inexplicable way... If that is to be the ending then I think I might have rather not seen the book in the first place.

How do other people change significant others at average rates of more than one a month? I cannot comprehend. I acknowledge that feelings change, but how can you say you genuinely like someone, if your liking fades so fast? How do you jump in so fast? Do you not see how much pain it could potentially cause you?

I'm too scared of getting hurt. Liking someone really kills the stability of your self-esteem. Why does it have to be so hard? I didn't ask for any of this.

...Blah. I suppose people like me, who really don't know what they are talking about, should stop talking.

Haim Ginott - Between Teacher and Child

2008-01-27T00:53:00.001-05:00

I have come to a frightening conclusion.
I am the decisive element in the classroom.
It is my personal approach that creates the climate.
It is my daily mood that makes the weather.

Hard Losers

2008-01-26T20:03:00.001-05:00

I keep trying different things, and I even find myself looping back in circles to things I've already tried and thought through. Still, I can never make up my mind about what I want to do.

I think the truth is that I'm just a hard loser who will not admit defeat. I refuse to admit I can't do something, so I keep doggedly trying to do it.

...I guess I shouldn't be surprised; after all, hard losers run in the family.

Yi-Fu Tuan in Space & Place

2008-01-26T10:49:00.001-05:00

Space is a common symbol of freedom... space lies open; it suggests the future and invites action. On the negative side, space and freedom are a threat... To be open and free is to be exposed and vulnerable. Open space has no trodden paths and signposts. It has no fixed pattern of established human meaning; it is like a blank sheet on which meaning may be imposed. Enclosed and humanized space is place. Compared to space, place is a calm center of established values. Human beings require both space and place.

Lynch's The Image of the City

2008-01-25T23:00:00.001-05:00

Nothing is experienced by itself, but always in relation to its surroundings, the sequences of events leading up to it, and the memory of past experiences.

The coherence of the image may arise in several ways. There may be little in the real object that is ordered or remarkable, and yet its mental picture has gained identity and organization through long familiarity. One man may find objects easily on what seems to anyone else to be a totally disordered work table.

In This Day and Age...

2008-01-25T08:45:00.000-05:00

From: me
Date: Jan 25, 2008 8:44 AM
Subject: no phone today
To: peoples

I was dumb and left it at home.

So you can pretend for 12 hrs, starting about now, that I fell off the face of the earth.

But in this day and age, when you fall off the face of the earth you can still sign on to AIM. Therefore, should the need arise, you can find me that way.

A Composition

2008-01-22T00:56:00.000-05:00

Today I found myself writing about something I have absolutely no experience in, to someone I don't really know, from the perspective of someone I'm not.

What a prompt.

A Trip to the Cooper-Hewitt

2008-01-21T02:41:00.001-05:00

This weekend (or anyway, the weekend I wrote this post) I took a trip to NYC and finally finally went to the Cooper-Hewitt. Being super lucky and timing it all right by chance, I saw the Piranesi and Ingo Maurer exhibit. Overall Impression = Super Inspired. I think now, this is what I want to do.

Of course, HCI is exciting, computers are fun, but when it really comes down to it, I think I have more passion for kinetic sculpture and the likes of magical designs (based on invisible technology) in thoughtful spatial configuration, than say, how new user interfaces make people more efficient. It's not because I can't do HCI (although it's true I really can't do it as well as a ton of other people), not because I don't think it's important (otherwise I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing right now), and not because I know more about other stuff (I don't), but simply because I've discovered that I get more excited about the other stuff.

I suppose I must now figure out a way to get into Cranbrook*, or otherwise find a program that will let me fantasize+sketch+build without losing touch with technology stuffs. Cranbrook, in case you don't know, is a graduate-level-only art academy in the middle of nowhere (a place like Wellesley) in Michigan. They have 150 students total I think, but the best part is that there are no classes. You just have crit days once a week, and during the rest of the time, they expect you to read and think and push yourself to the limit in theory-based art. It's as if you get to thesis full-time for 2 years! There is one faculty per department (they have about 10 departments), and therefore your advisor would = your professor = your department head. Meanwhile, they bring in a ton of big name people (like Natalie Jeremijenko) to be resident critics. The Metropolis Magazine has an article on "The Cranbrook Principle", in which they interview the 3-D Design department (it's closest counterparts in traditional art schools would be industrial design or product design), which is what I would apply for, even though Peter Stathis is no longer there.

Hmm... All of a sudden, little things like people relationships that have been bothering me for a while don't seem to matter so much anymore. The mist ahead has cleared a little; enough to let me know there is something nice and good and exciting beyond it, even if it's still misty.

* Beware that Cranbrook's front page is probably the ugliest thing you will ever see. Yes, it is animated, but I think every frame is ugly anyway. The other pages though, are a super improvement from what it used to be (it used to be less ugly on the front page, but kept the same level of ugliness through every page.)